Any writer, amateur or seasonal, knows the one golden rule:
do not read the comments.
It is the initial advice fresh faced authors are told after
they file their first piece and it is the mantra that veterans remind
themselves of daily, regardless of how many years into the business.
Comments mean anarchy. For the most part (besides breach of
publication policies) anyone can write anything; it is very hard for most
writers to see their carefully crafted prose being torn apart by an anonymous
reader who does not seem to grasp basic English grammar.
Ego aside, it is even harder for a writer to then not engage
with these comments, in spite the need they may feel to defend their work,
clarify a point, or just blatantly ask, “Did you read the article beyond the
headline?”
It is just easier to not read the comments. Or, so this
writer thought.
Recently I
wrote an article for The Guardian on Shauna Hunt and her reaction to being a victim of an
on-air “fuck her right in the pussy” bomb. The article was fairly straight
forward, explaining why telling someone “fuck her right in the pussy” is wrong
and demonstrated a broader picture of how women are often subjected to
humiliation and degradation at football stadiums.
Until I actually read a few comments and realized maybe the
issue wasn’t as straight forward as I though. That, despite all the advice I
had been ever given, all the warnings I had been told, and all the common sense
in my head, maybe there was more to my article than just my written thoughts.
So, I broke the golden rule and read the comments.
At first, like any writer, I was sickened by people’s
reaction and annoyed that they did not immediately find me brilliant. But after
combing through a few submissions, I started to realize that most people still
did not understand the points I had made, but seemed to genuinely want to. I
found there was a lot of questions asked and a lot of good discussion
happening, even if I did not necessarily agree with all that was being said.
The point of the original article was to explain why “fuck
her right in the pussy” is not an acceptable thing to say to anyone, ever. And,
furthermore, why events like that a football stadiums make an unwelcoming
atmosphere. People – both readers and those who have asked me directly – still
seem to have a lot of similar questions and comments.
So, I am going to address those comments.
“Fuck” and “pussy”
are just words.
They are just words, but a very big part of language is that
words carrying meaning. There’s a reason why you would not say “fuck” and
“pussy” in front of a three year old, because those words carry powerful significance.
Semantics are important, “fuck” does not have the same connotation as “making
love” or even “sex,” the same way “pussy” does not have the same connotation as
“vagina.” “Fuck her right in the pussy” is deliberately to provoke because of
the agreement of what those words stand for and represent. Those specific words
are used because they are known to get a reaction. And that sentence is said
for the sole purpose of provoking a response.
They weren’t saying
it to Shauna Hunt (or other
reporters), they’re saying it to the camera.
Regardless of who their “intended audience” was, it is still
a sexist, violent, and abusive comment directed at women, about women. Just because people find it funny, does not
make it any less defendable.
Men get it too and
sometimes women say it.
Again, that does not make it any less disrespectful or
humiliating. And, men too can be demeaned to abusive comments towards woman. Just
like how women can also say sexist comments, even about their own sex.
People need to grow a
thicker skin.
No, people need to learn how their language will affect
others. Hunt told the men that she found their comments humiliating and
offensive, and they continued to justify – and worse – defend them. All actions
have consequences and just because you think it will have one consequences
(having five seconds of fame while interrupting a broadcast), it may have
another (violating a person’s right to feel safe and respected).
How dare someone say
that on Mother’s Day to a woman!
This comment has been said a lot, as the events took place
on Mother’s Day. However, it is important to not just think of women as
mothers, daughters, sisters, etc.; rather, think of them as just regular ol’people.
Women are beyond just the roles they play to men, a person should not be
degrade because they are a human being, not because they are someone’s sister.
It was at a football
stadium, isn’t it kind of expected?
That is the main problem: it is, but it shouldn’t be. People
believe being in a football stadium entitles carte blanche behaviour. Whether
sexist, racist, or just plain mean, it’s okay because it’s “part of the
atmosphere.” We need to start changing, now. Being in a football stadium does
not give up basic societal norms. A person would not yell “fuck her right in
the pussy” on the bus, in a café, or at the grocery store, why would you do it
at a game?
It was a harmless
prank.
It is not harmless if a person feels threaten by what is
happening. Most language used at a football match (“fuck her right in the pussy,”
aside) is meant to degrade and humiliate, as that is part of the competition
side of sports. However, when it also degrades and humiliates the human spirit,
we need to re-examine our use of language.
I don’t know what I
would do if this happened to me.
Women should not have to be apprehension about verbal abuse;
but they are, and that is the problem. A football stadium should be a safe
space for healthy competition, not a minefield for woman hoping that today will
not be the day that are verbally abused.
This has happened to
me. Thank you for talking about it.
Like most things, it takes one person to stand up and talk
about an issue to get the ball rolling. As a woman, I can empathize with Shauna
Hunt; as a human being, I applaud her. A person should never feel like they
can’t speak out if felt degraded or humiliated, same goes for a person should
never make anyone feel like they are being degraded or humiliated.
Regardless of how much we wish “fuck her right in the pussy”
was nothing more than a harmless, now-colloquial saying, it’s not. It’s sexist,
chauvinistic, and downright hateful towards women. This, and other phrases
meant to disgrace, demean, and demoralize women need to end.
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