Thursday, March 29, 2012


Phase One

Okay, here’s "Phase One" for Missio for TFC: shameless promotion. After all, shamelessness has always been my best feature.

Which leads me to this: I am dead serious about kicking this campaign up a few notches. I've already drafted a letter to Sepp and I started to design buttons. However, I am just trying to figure out the cheapest way possible to make them (spoiler: Cafepress is not) before I start sending them out. In the mean time, I'm relaunched my campaign; if you haven’t asked for a pin yet, you’ll most definitely want one after this:

1. I’m already a Swiss citizen. No need for any work visas.
2. I’m not really that picky about how high above sea level games are played.
3. I can name, like 30%, of the member states.
4. My heritage is, like 30%, of the member states.
5.  I will erect a statue of Di Natale in Udine. And, if the government doesn’t let me, I will construct one myself on my dad’s farm in San Daniele.
6. My “Controversy” section on Wikipedia will be much shorter than current President’s.
7. I will make Ray Hudson and Tiziano Crudeli call games together whenever Barca meets Milan in Champions League.
8. Though, that said, I may immediately relegate Barca down to Timbits soccer.
9. I’ll allow players to remove their shirts in celebration. In fact, I have a list of players who will be allowed to remove their shirts for the entire game. And by allowed, I mean enforced.
10. Fifa is right next to the Zurich Zoo and I love the Zurich Zoo! (That point is more for me than for you).
11. I’ll make sure that matches remain with just two halves
12. And there will be no commercial breaks between plays
13. I will be able to explain the offside rule in one sentence, possibly with the use of a semi-colon
14. I’ll get rid of FIFA rankings. Seriously, is someone actually paid to come up with that crap?
15. I’ll make sure that goal line technology will not only be introduced in FIFA sanctioned games, but also in the upcoming FIFA 13
16. Grant Wahl will be guaranteed a position at FIFA, whenever he wants to join.
17. That said, no more favours, bribes, or corruption. Unless it’s for Balotelli. He can get whatever he wants. I mean, he already does anyway.
17. I will, from time to time, refer to soccer as “football.” Maybe.
18. I won’t be a racist, sexist, homophobic, hateful President
19. I’ll bring Ciao back. But as the official FIFA mascot (RE:
20.  I’ll be the second generation of Missio to infiltrate FIFA headquarters.

Again, if you want a pin email me at Or just ask me. At one point, I am just going to start sending them out to random people. 

Be part of history. And, more importantly, be a part of my collage.

Hopp (and thanks),

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