Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Missio for FIFA President

I am completely serious about my FIFA bid. I am willing to drop everything and move to Zurich if (and when) I am voted in. The decent and likable Jerrad Peters even agreed to be First Lady.

Think of it as my Occupy FIFA. And I am being quite serious.

FIFA has become better known for its corruption and overall ridiculousness over the last few years (I know it’s been longer than that) rather for its actual role and I think it’s time for the fans to take a stand. Now, I am not comparing my campaign for President to all the economical movements currently going on, but I am borrowing a basic concept: do something to change it.

So, I am appealing to you, readers old and new, to spread the word of my campaign. The governing body of soccer needs to be told: we want a change.

So, here it is. My official bid for Presidency, because the system is not working. The racism, sexism, homophobia, and over all idiocy has gone on long enough. My original campaign (see for full post) was as follows:

Why You Should Support Missio 2015

1. I’m already a Swiss citizen. No need for any work visas.
2. I’m not really that picky about how high above sea level games are played.
3. I can name, like 30%, of the member states.
4. My heritage is, like 30%, of the member states.
5. I am cuter than Platini, though he has (had) better hair.
6. I’ve already infiltrated their headquarters. It seems like a nice place.
7. My “Controversy” section on Wikipedia will be much shorter.
8. I look awesome in a powersuit or pencil skirt/cardigan combo, a must for a great president.
9. I’ll allow players to remove their shirts in celebration. In fact, I have a list of players who will be allowed to remove their shirts for the entire game. And by allowed, I mean enforced.
10. Fifa is right next to the Zurich Zoo and I love the Zurich Zoo. IT’S MEANT TO BE!

I now plan to add 10 more reasons to...

 Vote Missio RIGHT NOW:

1. I’ll make sure that matches remain with just two halves
2. And there will be no commercial breaks between plays
3. I will be able to explain the offside rule in one sentence, possibly with the use of a semi-colon
4. I’ll get rid of FIFA rankings. Seriously, is someone actually paid to come up with that crap?
5. I’ll make sure that goal line technology will not only be introduced in FIFA sanctioned games, but also in the upcoming FIFA 13
6. The Vatican Team will immediately be made an official Member of the Association. However, it will have to wait for FIFA 14. And will only be available as an unlockable team
7. I will, from time to time, refer to soccer as “football”
8. I won’t be a racist, sexist, homophobic, hateful President
9. Grant Wahl will be guaranteed a position at FIFA whenever he wants to join. I promise, no deadlines
10. I will enforce that the TFC LAG CCL game will be played at BMO

These are just some of the reasons I would make a great (well, at least, better) FIFA President (along with my Vice President, John Doyle). There needs to be a change and instead of sitting back and moaning about it, I will attempt the change myself. But I need your help to do it.  Please spread the word of the campaign.

Thank you.


Post script: Please help. Peters really wants to be First Lady.

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