Friday, May 11, 2012

We’re back, baby!

It’s true! “We’re” being me and the rest of the staff at 90 Minutes of Hopp (me) and “baby” being you (especially you).

You’d think with everything that’s been going on lately, and me being home for a week, I should have lambasted you with blog post after blog post. Well, you thunk wrong. You’d be surprise what a diet of morphine and children’s Tylenol does to a person (spoiler alert: it makes you non-functional). However, even though I feel just as shitty as every other day, I am also self centred enough to realize that you guys miss my wit, charm, and Photoshop jobs. So, even in my pain, I continue to give.

Lucky you!

For those of you who don’t know, a week ago today I had my tonsils removed in a throat operation (which people tend to take more seriously than if I just say “I got my tonsils out… LIKE A CHILD”). The operation went well and I cannot thank the staff at North York General Hospital enough, they’re fabulous (and thanks to all the love and support from the North York General Hospital Foundation too!) However, it wouldn't matter even if God Himself removed my tonsils, the recovery is going as terribly as expected.

It is not a fun operation when you’re 25.

Despite that though, you all have been wonderful. The emails, bbms, sms, tweets, Facebook posts/messages, bag of popsicles, and occasional phone calls (guys, seriously though, I can’ talk) have been amazing; thanks so much for being concerned that I am now 0.0001 less of a person. And thank you especially to Rachel, who has been so wonderfully mothering in the I-care-that-you’re-in-pain-and-I-want-to-make-it-better kind of way, and not the you-left-the-ice-out-on-the-counter-and-now-it’s-melted-everywhere-you-idiot! type of way.

Also, don’t let my upbeat nature fool you, I’m actually extremely miserable.

Now that we got that out of the way, let’s get on to more important things:

Table of Contents
Toronto FC
May 26
The Blues
Champions League
Sunday, Sunday
Holy, shit! The Euro!
Gosh, you look pretty!


Toronto FC
Another open letter

Dear Toronto FC,

I’m sorry. I’m sorry I let you down. I’m sorry I missed your last two games. It’s not my fault, it’s because I cannot stand for long periods of time without doubling over in a heap (seriously, you should see the bruises). However, I feel like I’ve let you down at a time when you needed me the most. Arrogant? Of course, it’s part of my charm. However, when I watched the last two games from home (and believe me, I watched), the amount of empty red bucket seats was heartbreaking. You deserve better.

I know everyone keeps talking about how the “fans deserve better,” but, let’s face it: a real fan knows what they sign onto. As I recently told my big brother, “unconditional love to a shitty soccer team is the only emotion I have ever been taught.” But you’re not a shitty soccer team; there’s greatness in you. I know there is. And, ask around, I’m never wrong.

So, come on boys, pull your boots up, put your heads down, and get it done. I expect a victory on my return to BMO. Because I have 100% confidence that you can. Just do what you did against Montreal, but, you know, in MLS.

Thanks. Also, the new kits really bring out your eyes.

Love always,
Sonja Cori Missio

Post Script: Speaking of which…

May 26th

I’ll be back at BMO! Full force. Full facepaint. Full one-piece-spandex-suit. Full smiles. Come say hi!

Actually while writing this I received the Toronto FC Insider email thingy reminding me that the next home game is May 23rd. I’ll be there for that too! Oh, boy! Soccer is coming back!

Speaking of which…

The Blues

This happened:

(You can tell it’s not actually me from the lack of being knocked knees)

I ordered one in a morphine induced high. But now that I sobered up, I’m quite pleased I did so. Once again, I wish they had made it in “Girls,” but, you know me, I’ll use any excuse to buy a new jersey. And I do prefer blue to red.

Speaking of which…

Champions League

Remember when I said the Blues would win it all, and you all laughed at me? And mocked me? And that one guy made me cry? WELL WHO’S LAUGHING NOW?

Answer: me!

Or, it will be the Germans (just joking, Germans don’t laugh!), but we (we = Chelsea, duh) have a slight advantage: we don’t have to play BVB this weekend. I hope those stupid bumblebees play them hard. I hope those stupid bumblebees destroy their spirits, souls, and lucky socks. I hope those stupid bumblebees make ‘em sting (shut up, I’m sick)

By the way, on that note, I never thought this picture (cir. 2009, post laser surgery. This blog is all about surgeries today!), would ever be appropriate for a situation again (especially because it wasn’t appropriate for the original situation), but here we go:

What a babe.

To quote Nik Spohr: heja bvb! Or something like that, I never really listen (hey Nik: why haven’t you gotten me into the Talking Heads more?!)

Anyway, few things are more exciting than the Champions League final (I’d argue, sometimes Europa), and I’m super stoke for Sunday May 27th

Speaking of which…

Sunday, Sunday

I am not stoked for Sunday May 13th. If the tonsils don’t kill me, this Sunday will.

I just wrote a ton of stuff about the game, but then deleted it all as to not look like a madman. Also, it was pretty grammatically terrible, more than usual. All I will say is this: if Udinese get 3rd, I will either have this tattooed onto my ribs:

 (I realize that this:
Is the more traditional choice, but I don’t know if I would have the balls to survive all that black)

Or, I will have this tattooed to my hip:

I’m open to suggestions as to which one is better. I do quite like the idea of “Di Natale” on me though.

Speaking of which…

Holy, shit! The Euro!

… is soon. I hope he plays. Sorta. Like, in the 92nd, where he then goes on to score the game winning goal. Yes that would be perfect.

Speaking of which…

Gosh, you look pretty!

You really do!

Alright dear readers (especially that one guy who wrote, and I quote, “Juve fans are cool, your a cock”), I now need to lie down and pretend to not be in pain.




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