Friday, April 22, 2011



No one cares if I swear (well, except for maybe someone who said I have a potty mouth…) I am not ruining children’s lives or making old ladies faint. I’m just being an asshole (see? I swore there too!)

However, the same cannot be said if I were, say, an international soccer star. Then, I would have a responsible not to swear. I’d have kids everywhere looking up to me, wanting to be me. I’d have to be a better person. I’d have to take responsibility, and double, triple check, every single thing I ever said and did.

What bullshit!
(I can currently say that).

Now, please don’t misunderstand me. This is NOT a post to clear RW’s good name, nor to really defend what he did; rather, it is to discuss the role of soccer players. I swear (pun!), this blog is slowly turning into a United fan site (see, to me, that’s offensive cursing)

Before I begin, I want to say that I like Rooney. I think, despite recent performance, that he’s a good player and enjoyable to watch. Sure he can also be the villain, but a good goal by Rooney is a good goal, if you knowwhaddaimean. He’s no Berbatov, but he can make that shite team a little more enjoyable. And boy, are they a shite team. The worst. Ever. Total crap. What type of person watches them? Seriously?  

Anyway, getting off topic. So, despite how shite (and garbage, and awful, and brutal) United is, I do get annoyed over the whole, “he’s a role model! He can’t swear on tv!”

Well, fuck that.
(still can do that!)

I am not going to get into a rant about how family should be role models, and not people kids see on tv, because that’s too obvious. Rather, I want to talk about general FIFA Fair Play rules. Rules, by the way, I will be changing once I am President (#Missio2015).

Now, I am not talking about, you know, the “bad stuff,” flares, fights and political demonstration, I am talking about the “good stuff,” celebrations. Soccer has not been a gentlemen’s game in years and it’s about high time we stop treating it as one.

Let’s look at the video in discussion:

So, we have good old Roons scoring a hat trick and celebrating with his team. The camera pushes its lens in because it wants to film the reaction. And the reaction is Roons so happy, so full of adrenaline, that he swears. Like anyone would, we’ve all done it (except for me, it’s more, “fuck yes! I just ace’d that pathfinder!) All of a sudden he’s back to being a villain. How dare he swear on tv!

If it were up to me, cameras wouldn’t be allowed on pitch like that. Unless fans at home want the authentic experience, spitting, swearing and all, they should just watch from the over head cameras. And that is because FIFA took it upon themselves to make soccer such a sterile experience. If players cannot react the way they want to, then us as spectators should not be given a on-pitch view. We should remain safely away, out of ear shot, in the posh seats. Soccer should remain neutral, good sportsmanlike, and spotlessly clean. Let’s just make sure everyone has fun, boys.

It’s like the removal of shirts. How does that even make sense? Time wasting, I guess, but what happened to the beautiful game? As President of FIFA, I will also remove the shirt-removal-yellow-card rule. In fact, let them just play like this:

 By “beautiful game,” I meant, “beautiful men.”


Post script: this was the most least organized post I have ever made. And considering the majority of my posts, that’s pretty bad.
Post post script: United are Balls.
Post post post script: Remember what I said about my last tweet…

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